The Irony of Being Sirius
by lonelylark
Summary: Back when the Marauders are still in school, Sirius is literaly running from a problem towards the only people who can help. Discover the irony of being Sirius. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but this plot.

**A/N:** This is just a short drabble that I couldn't help but write. Short stories are accomplishments for me!

**_The Irony of Being Sirius_**

Sirius turned the corner and doubled back almost instantly, running back down the corridor from which he had just emerged. Just when he thought he had given them the slip…

Hanging a left, he bounded up the staircase, two at a time and, glancing over his shoulder, wasted no time in doubling his pace with enthusiasm once he had reached the top. He looked about him frantically as tapestries, stone pillars, and statues flew by in a whir of colors; he could faintly hear a stuffy, balding man from one of the pictures he passed reprimanding him for running in the halls. _Bloody Hell,_ he though. None of the classrooms seemed to be open. He risked another look over his shoulder, only to curse loudly this time, making a violent right after almost missing the turn and all but tripping over himself in the process.

At the far end of the corridor, his goal loomed tauntingly upon the wall. Yelping, Sirius ducked as an orange streak of light darted past him, nearly grazing his ear.

_Close call!_

An extra boost of adrenaline pumped through his veins then, and in the good name of self-preservation, Sirius ran for all he was worth. His goal was becoming steadily nearer, but somehow it seemed he would never reach it. Finally, when Sirius was ready to cry with joy that he would make it, something threw his plan off balance. Just then, Peter emerged from the corridor adjacent to him, and was standing cluelessly before Sirius' point of destination.

"Hey Sirius, what's up?" he queried quizzically as the raven-haired boy came running awkwardly toward him.

"Wrackspurt! WrACKspurt!" Sirius screamed as he neared the mousy-looking boy. His usually perfect hair was oddly disheveled, and could easily give James Potter a run for his money. His eyes were wide with a crazed panic, and his black school robe billowed wildly behind him. Under any other circumstance it would have been easy to mistaken him as an escapee from St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies. Fact was, he looked like a madman.

"WRACKSPURT!" Sirius bellowed again with a maniacal, if not mutinous, tone.

"Alright, alright! Once is enough!" Yelled the fat lady from her painting as she swung out, angry at having been awakened from her mid-day snooze.

Sirius ignored what would have been a screeching halt, and little Peter Pettigrew shrieked as Sirius, tackled him, sending both boys flying through a hole into Gryffindor Tower. The portrait slid back into place behind them, and a chorus of furious female voices could be heard behind it. They were in somewhat of an uproar, it seemed.

Sirius lay sprawled on the common room floor, panting from extreme exertion. Blood was pumping forcefully throughout his body so that his limbs felt as though they were pulsation of their own accord. His lungs burned in pain with every rise and fall of his chest. It was as if every breath were laced with sharp daggers, ones that stabbed at him mercilessly. _I hope those damn girls are happy,_ he growled mentally. He couldn't wait until the following year when they would be allowed to apparate.

It was a bright, sunny, Saturday afternoon, and everyone was out-and-about, enjoying the splendor of Hogwarts' grounds in late spring, so that when Sirius sat up he was met only by the eyes of his three best friends, and two frightened first-years who scurried up to their dormitories almost immediately.

"Are you alright, Padfoot?" came the calm voice of Remus, who was eyeing Sirius curiously.

"Yeah, what happened?" joined James. Both of the boys were looking down at him from their game of Wizard's Chess, James' hand momentarily frozen over his knight, who was yelling something derogatory at one of Remus' surly-looking pawns. Peter, who had clambered away from the out-cast of the ever-ancient Black family upon their entrance, squeaked slightly from an armchair by the fireplace.

Sirius stood up and sighed resignedly as his breathing leveled, straightening his robes and brushing invisible dirt from his shoulders importantly. "Just those women," he answered with incredulity. "They just can't keep their hands off me!"

"Somehow," came an all-too familiar voice, "I don't think that's the case."

The ebony-haired James immediately beamed and moved to ruffle his hair. Lily Evans had just climbed through the entrance hole looking slightly disgruntled. _Okay,_ Sirius thought distressed,_ so _'slightly'_ is a bit of an exaggeration…_

The noise from the hall rose and then faded like a great sea swell as the painting once again sealed off Gryffindor tower.

"Good afternoon, Lily," Remus greeted her with a kind smile, although he looked as worn as ever. ("_Too _worn – for his age anyway," as Lily always mentioned.)

"Good afternoon, Remus," she replied pleasantly.

"'Afternoon, Lily!" James welcomed her with as much excitement and zeal as always. "You're looking lovely, as usual."

"Don't do that to your hair, Potter," was Lily's curt reply as she set her schoolbag down on a nearby table and began to rummage though it. Apparently, Remus was the only person she could put-up with.

Sirius, who as a best friend to James was responsible for boosting his morale, disregarded the crestfallen look on his mate's face. "What do you mean by that!" he yelled at Lily, feeling affronted by her comment. James shot him a defensive look, but Sirius couldn't simply stand by as his manly dignity was being questioned, could he? **Could he?** Of course not! He had quite the reputation, after all, and he planned to keep it.

"I just risked bursting a lung to get away from those girls! Almost lost an ear, too! One of them even tried to stun me to keep me from slipping away!"

"Did she now?" the young witch mused acerbically, raising a firey-red brow. "You sure a certain prank-like nature of yours had nothing to do with this? That it didn't aid your good looks?" she asked dryly. "And don't point – it's rude."

Sirius Black dropped his arm, sniffed pompously, and turned to fix his hair in a nearby mirror. "I don't know what you're talking about," he replied with the feigned innocence of a dog that has peed on the living-room carpet.

"So," she turned to him with an accusing tone, "you mean to say that it _wasn't_ you in the girls' lavatory using your wand to sneak a peek at Adelaina Snoflegor's underwear?" Lily crossed her arms and eyed him skeptically. James, who had been steadily inching closer to her, stopped in his tracks to gape openly at his best friend.

"Sirius…" Remus stared at him with an arched brow, a most disapproving look in his soft eyes.

"You didn't," James stated, as if daring Sirius to say otherwise. A mischievous glint was evident in his eyes.

"No, I didn't," the animagus dog replied, matter-of-factly while pushing a strand of silky black hair from his eyes. "Peeping is not something I, the great Sirius Black, take pride in." When he turned to face them, finally done primping his hair, he was grinning salaciously. "She did have nice knickers, though."

"Black, you old dog," James grinned back approvingly as Sirius took an exaggerated bow.

Lily's eyes flashed like emerald fire. "You did, then!" she yelled in fury.

Sirius remained calm as ever – well, as calm as Sirius Black could be.

"No, I didn't."

"Stop contradicting yourself!" the redhead all but demanded, her chest heaving. He had now sunk to a new low. If there was one thing she hated about Sirius Black, it was his pigheadedness.

"No," Sirius insisted, his voice holding a patronizing (no, not patronus) tone, "I simply said she had nice knickers. Now, me _coming_ by them was a complete accident."

"An accident?" Peter queried from his armchair, sitting up straighter in attempt to hear the full story.

"A _fortuitous_ accident," the single Potter child smirked slyly, his amusement matching that of Sirius'.

"Indeed," Remus Lupin agreed, though his expression was more quizzical that impressed.

"'_Indeed'_?" Lily scoffed. "Remus, you're a _Prefect_! How can you overlook the deviance of these two fiends!" Sirius and James exchanged proud glances. Their work as Marauders was being recognized! "Surely Dumbledore gave you the position in hopes you could somewhat control these two! Now is the perfect time to execute those powers! And you, Potter," she growled, spinning violently on her heels to face him, "stop egging him on!"

A light flickered behind James' eyes as he gazed longingly at Lily. Truth be told, he wanted nothing more than to please her – and himself, at times, to be totally honest – with everything he did. But he couldn't just abandon his best mate!

"Oh, come on, Evans," he pleaded gently, cowering under her intense glare. "He said it was an accident…"

"An accident!" she shrieked, almost at the point of hysterics.

"Easy, Prongs, easy." Sirius advanced upon the rising quidditch star, and placing both hands on his shoulders, drove him out of Lily's firing range (wand firing, that is). "Remember what we said: Women exaggerate. It's not good to fire 'em up more once they've started," he nodded sagely.

"How in Merlin's name was that an **accident?**" Lily continued, oblivious to what Sirius was saying about her, much to his luck.

"Well, you see," the handsome fifth-year began, "it's a funny story, really." Casually, he plopped himself onto the seat James had vacated directly across from Remus. His eyebrows met as he deliberated shortly over James' pieces before moving the knight.

"Check."

Remus stared at him blinkingly impassive for several seconds before his own knight demolished Sirius'.

"Checkmate."

"I never was much good at this," Sirius muttered sulkily, crossing his arms to complement his ridiculous pout (no, not _riddikulus_!). "Okay, okay!" he cried out hastily, obviously agitated as Lily sighed in exasperation. "Now where to begin?" he pondered fondly.

"How about why you were in the girls' bathroom at all?" the redheaded witch demanded.

"That would be a good start," Remus nodded his consent. Peter listened silently with wide eyes, bent dangerously over the arm of his chair.

"Yes, well," Sirius began again with noticeable distaste at being rushed, "I was originally in a stall with Tara Goodall. What we were doing, well, you can imagine." Pausing, he reflexively grabbed the sleeve of James' robes and forced him down on the settee beside him. It was for his own good that he tried not to approach the fuming Miss Evans just yet. "Naturally, there was not one there…yet."

Lily rolled her eyes. It seemed every girl in the school but her – and perhaps a few boys, too – liked Sirius Black in more that a friendly way. He was wild, charismatic, unpredictable, sometimes amusing, and even she, Lily, had to admit that he was handsome. But most of all, he was boastful, and that was what she couldn't stand. She could see vividly where this was going: another tale of Sirius Black's successful exploits in woman-conquering. _Well, maybe not so successful, after all_, she thought with satisfaction, recalling his race to the common room.

"Then, something most unfortunate happened," Sirius sighed dramatically, shaking his head. "The bell rang."

"The bell rang!" Peter screeched, now sitting on the floor closer to the other four Gryffindors.

"The bell rang," Sirius nodded gravely.

"Not the bell!" cried James, aghast.

"What's so important about some ruddy bell?" Lily asked impatiently. Secretly she was annoyed that she did not know what significance a bell played, when everyone else seemed to get it. Even Remus was slightly wide-eyed.

"What do you do when the bell rings, Evans?" Sirius queried sarcastically.

"I go to my next class, of course!" she responded. Her tone suggested it was the most obvious thing in the world, and he was an idiot for thinking otherwise.

"Oh," Sirius smiled falsely, "Of course! _How did you ever fall for the bookworm?_" he muttered to James from the side of his mouth. James was, of course, not paying him attention – he was too busy gazing longingly up at the redhead. Sighing ruefully and rolling his eyes, Sirius proceeded with his story.

"Soooooo, the bell rang. And who should come flooding into the lavatory? A group of chattering, giggling girls!"

"What were you expecting Sirius, a herd of centaurs?" Remus said with an amused smile.

"No, but they would have certainly been more pleasant," Sirius commented sourly, running a hand through his perfect black hair out of habit. "Anyway, it would not for me to be caught in the girls' bathroom, something so indecent when there are so many women there. And, needless to say, our moment had been ruined. All that was left for me to do was to make my escape."

"How valiant of you, Mr. Black," Lily stated with mock surprise. The bag she had been searching through lay destitute and forgotten on a window-side table, spare parchment peeking out of the top. "Did you come up with that one on your own?"

"Actually, Tara suggested it. I really had no quarrel with the situation. Now if you'd be so kind as to stop **interrupting** me," he snapped. It was obvious that Sirius was becoming frustrated. He usually clashed with Lily Evans because_ she_ always seemed to have an opinion, and _he_ simply like to hear himself talk. "Like I said, I had to make my escape. There was a vacant cubicle to our left, so I crawled into it. I kept up with that for some time, and I was on a roll until some girl swung open the door of the one I was almost through. Luckily, she wasn't paying attention and I was able to pass unnoticed by her, but unluckily I was so keen on pulling my feet in quickly that I didn't notice that though I'd crawled into an empty cubicle, my arm was sticking out into the next one (as I'm sure you've noticed, I'm not quite as compact as Worm – Peter, here). By the time I got my head through," he glared at Lily who had snorted, no doubt making some snide mental comment involving his head being too big because of his ego, "I realized there was a girl there, too – undoubtedly Adeleina – and that my wand was accidentally lifting her robes, giving me quite the view of her stripy pink knickers."

Sirius chortled softly towards the end and his eyes twinkled. He was visibly pleased with himself. Remus, too, began to smirk – that is, until Lily shot him a reproachful look. He immediately tried to subdue his surfacing expression and attempted to thwart it with a stern frown. This proved difficult, seeing as he found the image of Sirius Black sliding under bathroom stalls highly amusing.

"After that, you can guess what happened," Sirius stated.

"I imagine the girls were angry," James yawned, leaning back and raising his arms over his head in a cat-like stretch.

"Oh, furious," Sirius agreed fervently. "They ran me out of the lavatory. They were so jealous of that poor – Adeleina, was it – that they chased me all over the castle. Took me half an hour to shake 'em off.!"

Although Peter gazed at the young Black heir in awe, a snort of laughter erupted from James followed shortly by Remus. Despite her initial resolve to remain solemn throughout the story, Lily couldn't help but join in.

"What?" Sirius demanded alarmed, sitting up straighter, his dark brows furrowed. "What's so funny?"

"Oh, Sirius!" Lily managed to choke out between short breaths. "Sirius…hahahahah!"

"What!" Sirius exclaimed, clearly unamused that everyone was having such a fun time without him.

"They were…they were _jealous?_" she continued, hit by another fit of uncontrollable giggles.

"Yes!"

James wiped his face that was doused in his own tears, trying to catch his breath. "Stark raving _mad_, maybe…"

"I'm Serious!" the handsome Mr. Black shouted indignantly.

"But _jealous?_" Remus finished for James, ignoring Sirius completely. Sirius, not liking to be laughed at or ignored, glared resentfully at all three of them.

"But I'm being **Serious!**" he bellowed at last, realizing a tad it late that they had almost stopped laughing. The laughter suddenly ceased completely, and Lily, Remus, and James stared at an angry Sirius before glancing at one another, the corners of their mouths twitching. All at once they began laughing uproariously again, leaving a defeated Sirius standing in between them.

He would never be taken seriously. That was the irony of being Sirius.


End file.
